August 3, 2018
Last Friday I found out that Brian Young (also known as losingtoday) committed suicide. I’m pretty devastated by this. Brian was a wonderful member of the Portland ambient music community, documenting our shows with his careful eye. He was never less than kind and passionate about our music, sharing his latest musical passions on Facebook. I currently use his photos from a show as my press photos. His entry on discogs shows how much album art he contributed to the community. His albums show how many shows he attended and shot photos for.
Brian and I got to know each other through all of the shows we attended together, and our shared love of shoegazer music. I remember that being able to shoot Slowdive at the Crystal Ballroom from the press seats was one of the highlights of his life.
We connected through our depression; both of us were survivors of chronic depression that seemed to follow us through our lives. Brian was a deep feeler, which I know made it hard for him. He could be deeply passionate about something, but he could also be deeply devastated about something as well. I know how easy it is to be hard on oneself when depressed. How every little thing seems like a personal affront, a negative message telling you that you’re unworthy of being here.
But of all the people I can think of, he was more than worthy and gave out way more than he took back. Brian was a good person and a true artist. I partially write this so I won’t forget him, and to encourage people to please take a look at his art. His art is wonderful and truly a monument to how great a person he was.
Honestly, I do wonder if there is anything that separates me from him, that I am living now and he isn’t. I’m not sure. I don’t know Brian’s real and complete story beyond what he shared. The only thing I know how to do in the wake of his death is to renew my resolve to live. Brian’s mother has asked that we donate to the Suicide Prevention Fund.
Please, if you read this, and have thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) or go to http://SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for a list of additional resources.